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Tok Ketua
To-Dos : Make custom follow, dashboard and back to top button.
Status : SAMTTAJIAN (2016). Machangster (2017-2020). Pundana (2020-2022). Freelance Artist (Present Days). Messaging Rectangle
From neocities/nekoweb/nekocafe or have a personal site of your own? Feel free to drop your site for me to check out here too!^^
Compass |
 Complicated Life of 2023 Salam. Huh, dah lama gak tak post something kat sini. I mean to be fair, aku more to suka melukis rather than menulis or menaip if you will. Apapun, hari ni aku just nak ranting lelebih sebab my life this year is really going to the drain y'know? First of all aku still geram ngan diri aku sebab still tak dapat job until bayar bil aku. Nak mengharapkan suit simpanan lelama lesap gak at one point. Syukur aku bukan heavy spender but god aku dah start anxiety sikit thinking about this... Secondly, semangat melukis aku plummeted tahap dewa sejak bulan 2 lagi like... Dia bila nak melukis tu, motivation semua drop down sebab aku just cepat penat mentally most of the time. So not good for my art commission work. May God bless my client aaa huhu. Thirdly, aku still tak sure apa perjalanan hidup aku ni likeee I wish life comes with a manual that I can refer so I can know what to do in the future bukan bila dah future baru nak figure out itu ini. Urgh, I'm such a manual guy aren't I? ;_; Oklah tak nak panjang lebar lagi dengan akunya yang bengang pasal hal-hal lama huhhhh. Ok dah tu jer kot so far. Takut lagi banyak cerita lagi banyak mengarutnya tu. Labels: angry, confession, diary, english, exam, ini cerita aku |
Kisah merapu aku G'day! Thankies for visiting. Here's a tale of how I end up being here: a journey with blogging throughout my life. It'll make sense later, I promise!
It's all started when I'm eleven, at least according to 20-year old me(thanks boyo couldn't do better intro without ya), where Blogger was a wide-spread used site where I'm from but still niche ala Tumblr. My sister had one too like others at that time, and remembered seeing her her so dedicated her time on house computer just to decorate her blog with custom blogskin. It looked like magic that time, not knowing what and how she did that thus sparking me to set up one for myself out of curiosity. However, being very young with limited Internet access, I didn't dive deep into exploring all that blogging features.
Fast forward four years later, this was where I consider peak era for Blogger here. Some artists I knew had blogs and they updated it with their daily life stories - something less known outside of their published work. With exception of personal Q&A sessions from publication or meet and greet which still limited by editorial, venue and time constrains, there's no much way for fans to get to know them personally during that time. This is why blogging as an information medium quite a significant deal for me till this day. Bringing in Wanaseoby! Ahh a name that I haven't heard for so sooooo long... Her site all wiped and not using custom domain like usual these days. Glad that I at least had some of her blogskin as sort of memorial. Praying her well, whatever her endeavour now. Back to the point, she's like *THE* biggest inspiration for my blogging years due to how much coding resources she had on her site. Blogskins, single page skins, icon freebies, you name it! Being more tech-savvy compared to younger me and longer Internet access, I ended up spending hours and ours informally learnt coding full on trial and error just like my sister aha haa.
With time erosion at very late 2010s to early 2020s, Blogger usage within locals dwindling down big time in favour of uhh *check notes* social media. Nothing much to say in details really; my experience using them being fairly okay or so I thought until the Dreaded VirusTM happened and boi everything went slow burn to hell. While I did visit my blogs couple times a year, it's mainly to play around with customization and not so much to periodically update like I used to due to my time allocated for doomscrolling social media if not overly addicted to YouTube to certain extent.
Which is so sad looking back because I used to write my diary on books way before get into blogging and whenever I'm not able to access the Internet but still had the need to put my thought somewhere. The book(s) were named Momentous and there's numbers of them, rotting away eaten by termites as I instantly abandoned general thought jointing as soon as having my own smartphone. So much story loss that could be pinned down and look back of old memories for university years life in first perspective had that not the case... Yet I still clinging to social media, dealing with the bonker requirements in order to grow as an artist there. All doom and gloom like that. Then I slowly stop drawing for extended time. Not sure if that counted as burnout as I still can draw, just not fond of posting it online. Another factor was having too many games more than I handle on my belt as well thus more time playing than drawing.
That was until the /very/ moment I cut the rope with an entity that won't be named. Everything around me felt... different. It's like straight snap back to realization on how much psychological harm I did to myself throughout the years. Used to brush off weekly phone statistic where it shows how much time spent on particular apps. Hours and hours lost where I should did something better yet didn't had the drive doing so. Quickly cut down huge chunk of harmful life elements right after that. Soon picked up interests that younger me never thought to involve in while searching answers to deal with this new phenomena of having so much freedom yet still feeling lost.
In late 2025, my prayer finally replied in the form of indieweb. Don't know where to begin describing on how life-changing this life of making own personal website from scratch outside of my uni's limitation (as in it need to be strictly for business purposes). My dear love for coding welcomed me back and that's when I felt my life truly enlightened to the heaven. So much serenity that I've been yearning for so long... All the time I used to drown in social media rewritten towards jumping around exploring random personal websites be it from Neocities, Nekoweb, Wiby search engine, webrings, etc. and polishing my coding skill along the way. There I found many cool folks and bulk up knowledge to develop own website yea. While yes coding can sometime be a bit stressful at times where that one little thing don't work in your favour until you had to jump numerous hula hoops to get codes that you need but honestly? I rather have this flavour of problem than whatever the one had before. Much healthier, much peaceful, 5-star no drama.
Post-script time! Just adding a tangent here since blogging and coding were mentioned. The gap between my departure from aforementioned unnamed entity and me getting into indieweb was months away so here's some honourable mention of my involvement of coding outside Blogger and related events happened within said period.
Remember MySpace? Some might do, some might not understandably but one core memory was when I tried to make an unofficial Bleach's Byakuya chibi - that may appeared from answering some "Which Bleach Character Are You?" Quizzaz or something along the line - as repeated tile background using html/css as me not liking the #0000FF blue background (or maybe MySpace blue?) I had for my profile. Idk but it's some kind of saturated blue, that's for sure. Whatevs. Of course, can't leave their kinda successor Spacehey (I say kinda cuz none of mutuals that joined actively use them these days so idk how to gauge their efficiency as MySpace alternative), well short to say I quite enjoyed my time there. However, been very drenched in social media flood on top me having intense internship when I joined it, I treated it just like how I did with my Blogger. Worst news is that the site is now banned from my country. Didn't know when how and what (that's how inactive I am oop) just knowing it the hard way by randomly logging in. Farewell I guess?
Now into the blogging side. Remember I said about Blogger being quite a thing for my locals? Well, with aforementioned recession, the artists I used to looked up to not updating there anymore. Not that I mind, though. Understandably they might find social media work for them better. Or that they're having long-term contract with private parties, NDA and all that secrecy security stuff. Or simply plain lost interest just like I did couple points in my life. Which is all fine, whatever the reasoning is. If anything, I wish them well just like I kinda am now.
All mopey-dopey aside, I however did the very best decision to make a comeback to Tumblr around third quarter of 2025. Social media attachment indeed the very major reason why I'm not too active there with the exception being periodically obsessed with a fandom. But there's also another hellside to it which is uhh certain kind of people within fandom(s). Not wanting to delve into it too much but basically it truly felt like mine fields everywhere I go. Lots of flaming and unnecessary wars too. Granted that I was too busy with school anyway so I go from preventing fandom headache by getting into homework headache instead aha haa. Sometimes wondering what are factors leading the hellsite being a little bit better? People back then grows up and mature, mass migration, or awareness on how the Internet these days affect our daily life? Just some hyphothesis though.
Perhaps with how Tumblr works in cultural sense in present days, at least to my experience so far: Being the least tainted by corporates, heavily driven by various kind of communities, no influencers' crappadulla selling you things nor popularity contest, no algorithm - well technically they do but at least it's not default on your dashboard, God bless. Not saying it's perfect nor saying mentioned reasoning never a thing at one point in the site particularly the "popularity contest" that came in forms of certain aesthetic moodboard and beauty standard during mid 2010s that may or may not lead to certain issues that I'm not in the place to speak of. Only knowing this matter by seeing people bravely express their experience there during their youngster years. Never been subjected into such stuff fortunately since well, I only for there for the fandom(s) and not so much on expressing myself to the personal level outside of what I draw. That being said, I do hope whoever affected by said issues got help they deserves and living their best now too.
I think that's all I got. Thankies for reading story of my life. Cheers to long-term healthier relationship with Internet like how it's used to be. =]
Salam. Huh, dah lama gak tak post something kat sini. I mean to be fair, aku more to suka melukis rather than menulis or menaip if you will. Apapun, hari ni aku just nak ranting lelebih sebab my life this year is really going to the drain y'know?
First of all aku still geram ngan diri aku sebab still tak dapat job until bayar bil aku. Nak mengharapkan suit simpanan lelama lesap gak at one point. Syukur aku bukan heavy spender but god aku dah start anxiety sikit thinking about this...
Secondly, semangat melukis aku plummeted tahap dewa sejak bulan 2 lagi like... Dia bila nak melukis tu, motivation semua drop down sebab aku just cepat penat mentally most of the time. So not good for my art commission work. May God bless my client aaa huhu.
Thirdly, aku still tak sure apa perjalanan hidup aku ni likeee I wish life comes with a manual that I can refer so I can know what to do in the future bukan bila dah future baru nak figure out itu ini. Urgh, I'm such a manual guy aren't I? ;_;
Oklah tak nak panjang lebar lagi dengan akunya yang bengang pasal hal-hal lama huhhhh. Ok dah tu jer kot so far. Takut lagi banyak cerita lagi banyak mengarutnya tu.
Labels: angry, confession, diary, english, exam, ini cerita aku
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